Safari lessons, part 1

Hippos kill more people in Africa than any other wildlife species. When I first learned this, it came as a bit of a surprise, since I had a notion that predators such as the lion or crocodile - animals we had spent much more time worrying about in the days leading up to our camping safaris - would top the list.

Yet we quickly learned it was the lumbering, cuddly hippo that bore this distinction, due primarily to the fact that hippos are aggressive, territorial and don't false charge (especially when you are standing between them and watter).

When on safari, you are taught early on what to do if charged by an animal: stand still.

The reason for this is most animals will false charge before they actually attack. In fact, most "attacks" consist entirely of false charges. The run at you and stop short, before trampling, gnawing or otherwise maiming you.

This is certainly true for elephants and lions. They bluff, a lot. And if you stand still, you are safe, mostly.

As I listened to our guide Richard talking about animal behavior, I envisioned the following scenario: We are out walking through the savannah, when a female lion with three cubs comes into sight. This is the most dangerous scenario, we learned, because the cubs are naturally inquisitive and playful. Yet as they come closer, mom's natural protective instinct grows more acute. With each fumbling step the cute little furballs take, mom becomes more aggressive, until she decides we are a threat worthy of action.

This is not a hypothetical situation, but one Richard lived through with a group that was thankfully not ours. And in this situation, the correct response is to stand absolutely still, even as the lion runs at you, ears back, teeth out, hackles raised.

I imagine a bad day at the laundromat after that.

Yet for a hippo, there is no false charge. When they bring the locomotive up to speed - and they can run much faster than any human - there's no stopping.

In addition to the hippo, the buffalo also doesn't bluff. If it charges, it's coming for you. Oh, and the rhino too. And if you are charged by a buffalo, hippo or rhino, run for the nearest tree (hopefully a stout one) and climb quickly.

Once danger is past, fire your guide, since we learned the key to all animal interactions, from the disease vector ground squirrel to the aggressive elephant, is respect.

And respecting the hippo, buffalo and rhino means watching them from a safe distance, preferably from within a solid steel vehicle.